


We found love in a hopeless place

by rydia



Series: Daughter of the rain and snow [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Death, F/M, Grey Wardens, Infertility, Sexual Content, The Calling, it's sad okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 04:44:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17053379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rydia/pseuds/rydia
Summary: The Warden faces her Calling, but she is not alone.





	We found love in a hopeless place

Alistair was wrong.

She didn’t get thirty years. 

She got twenty before she began to hear the Calling, and this time it was the real one. Of that there was no doubt. It became more and more difficult for her find sleep, even with the comfort of Alistair beside her. The nightmares the Calling brought on were so vivid and disturbing that she never wanted to sleep again. 

It was in those sleepless nights that the song was loudest, and the whispers that she couldn’t quite decipher were hardest to ignore. She clung to Alistair, taking comfort in his familiar warmth and smell, at the way his arms came around her even as he slept. 

But she couldn’t ignore the truth. The end was coming for Maeryn Surana, Warden Commander and Hero of Ferelden.

She was thirty-nine years old, and she would not live to see forty. 

-

It was ten years ago. She was twenty-nine.

Maeryn was far west in a green land full of lush jungle and strange creatures, a long way away from Alistair and all that she knew, in an attempt to find a Cure for the taint she and all Wardens carried in their blood. She hoped, but was uncertain, that she was making some kind of progress, all the while trying to ignore the voice in her head that kept asking if this long separation from her husband was worth it.

Of course it would be worth it, if it was successful. If this worked, she was giving them a future they’d never allowed themselves to imagine. Not just her and Alistair, but all the Wardens.

Then a messenger from the Inquisition found her with news from Leliana and Alistair. Maeryn read the letters eagerly, delighted with the contact. But it made her realise how out of step she was getting with the rest of the world, and feared even more that she was making a mistake being so far away from them when everything at home seemed to be turning to madness. 

Mostly she feared that the Cure, the answer to all her prayers, just didn’t exist, and no amount of magic or research would change that.

But she persevered, unwilling to admit that all this time was being ill spent. She sent letters back to the Inquisition, including a personal one for Alistair, and tried to focus on her work, hoping each day for a breakthrough.

Three months later, the next letter found her.

This one made her panic.

Maeryn was not given to panic – panic got you killed and of the many things Maeryn was, a survivor was near the top of the list. And the letter was in Alistair’s hand – he was alive.

But she knew how to read between his lines. Alistair didn’t want to lie to her, but he also didn’t want her to worry. So he downplayed and deflected, made a joke, scribbled a doodle at the side of the paper. He acted like the fact that he had physically entered the Fade and almost been left in it wasn’t a big deal. It was fine, he was fine, it was all fine – except for the part where the Champion of Kirkwall was left behind in the Fade, a heroic sacrifice to save the rest of them.

It was most certainly not _fine_.

And she suddenly couldn’t bear to be away from Alistair for a second longer, terrified if she didn’t go back now she’d never see him again. She could continue to search for a Cure back in Ferelden, with whoever remained of her Wardens.

So she set off, hastily, in a low level of panic; her heart a compass pointing north and east to Alistair, knowing she would find him at the Warden fortress of Weisshaupt. The knowledge that Alistair was travelling there after the siege of Adamant was the only thing that could compel her to go back to that barren place and face the sly First Warden. But that was where Alistair was, so that’s where she was going, with all haste.

-

Thankfully, they had found each other before she made that far.

There were only so many roads leading in and out of Weisshaupt, after all, and even less when you approached it from the south. 

Maeryn was about two days out from the fortress. Ill weather had halted her journey for the day, so she’d stopped at a small tavern, hoping the snow storm that was building up would have passed by the following morning. She guessed this place was used to travelling Wardens – no fuss was made over a lone elf with a staff, despite the fact that she wasn’t wearing anything to identify her as a Warden. It was clear her coin was as good as anyone else, so long as she behaved.

It was while she was eating her dinner in her little room, sitting by the fire and staring blankly at nothing, that she felt another Warden nearby, the taint in her blood sensing theirs. It wasn’t surprising, so close to Weisshaupt, but it still put her on edge.

Despite the fact that she had killed an archdemon and ended the Fifth Blight quickly, she was viewed with suspicion by many of the Wardens at Weisshaupt, although the First Warden remained pleased with her high profile and the Wardens claim on the Arling of Amaranthine in Ferelden. But for many others, she should be dead, as far as they were concerned. Her and Alistair’s reports about a magic ritual that saved them and a witch that could not be found were not favourably looked upon.

They had agreed to hedge some details in those reports.

Maeryn didn’t care about their opinion of her, but it made dealing with some Wardens tiresome, and there was a certain mentality about many of the Weisshaupt Wardens that frustrated her.

She made a decision to face whoever it was head on – in this bad weather, they were probably going to end up in this tavern and there was no doubt they’d also sense her and perhaps seek her out.

It was also more than likely whoever was approaching was someone she outranked, because there were few above a Commander of the Grey. For a elven mage who’d had so little control over her life for a long time, pulling rank on someone bothering her was immensely satisfying. So she pulled her cloak around her, and descended the stairs to the bar, which was now busier than it had been when she’d arrived.

As her foot hit the final step, the large door to the tavern opened, and she almost stumbled when she saw the man who walked in.

It was Alistair, clad in Grey Warden armour that was mostly concealed by a thick cloak. He pulled his hood down, quickly shutting the door to block out the howling wind behind him. A gloved hand rand through his hair that was longer than she’d ever seen it.

He had scruff. So much of it that it was almost a beard.

She stared.

He looked amazing.

For a second, Maeryn thought she was asleep and this was the Fade, but then Alistair spotted her, and his mouth fell open. Several feet separated them, and the bar was loud, with people everywhere and the air full of pipe smoke. Through it all she could see him mouth her name, and he took a step towards her only to be confronted by the proprietress of the tavern.

“We've no rooms left, all I can offer you is a hot meal and a drink.”

This was definitely not the Fade. If this was the Fade, there would be no one else around and Maeryn would already be in his arms.

Alistair looked from the woman to Maeryn, still clearly shocked at the fact he’d stumbled into his wife so unexpectedly. Maeryn took the final step into the bar, practically running over to him.

“He’s with me,” she said breathlessly to the proprietress.

“You’ve a single,” the woman replied, unimpressed.

“I don’t care, I’ll pay,” Maeryn couldn’t take her eyes off Alistiar, and was hardly listening to what the woman was saying. She grabbed Alistair’s hand, tugging him towards her. “We’ll settle in the morning.”

The woman grumbled. “There’ll be trouble if you don’t, Wardens.” But she stepped aside, letting Alistair pass and the two of them ran towards and up the stairs. Maeryn knew the proprietress would probably have someone watching their room to make sure they didn’t leave without paying but she didn’t care. This place could have every piece of gold she had.

The second the door shut behind them, Alistair’s lips were on hers, his hands everywhere like he was trying to learn her all over again. Maeryn responded in kind. There were no words, not yet, that would come later, once they’d both assured themselves that this was indeed real, and they were together again. Their armour and clothes were pulled off with little finesse, left wherever they fell.

Maeryn catalogued the changes in him since she’d last seen him, her hands exploring his chest, up over his arms and back down again. Some new scars, she noticed. He’d lost some weight. She looked up at him to find him watching her, and when their eyes met, he kissed her again, this time manoeuvring her to the tiny bed which they fell upon, limbs askew, lips still attached.

Alistair’s hands started in her hair, but one of them quickly slipped down, running over her ear and descending down her neck, pausing to run a thumb over her nipple before continuing further down to where his fingers found her wet and wanting. She arched up into him, desperate for his touch, and he obliged like he always did, equally as eager. Like it always did when she was with Alistair, Maeryn’s world narrowed down entirely to this – there were no thoughts of anything else, just their love and their pleasure, and the rightness of being together.

Alistair groaned, pulling away from her lips to trail kisses up her neck to her ear. “Mae. _Mae_. I missed you. I love you.”

Her hands clawed at him, still desperate, unable to get as close as she needed. She knew she should return the sentiment and she would – later – but right now she was such a ball of need that she could hardly catch her breath. His fingers slid and explored her, playing her exactly in the way he knew she liked, like he’d just done this yesterday and not so long ago it could make her cry to think about it. She gasped when he found that spot inside her that sent bolts of intense pleasure through her, and her legs began to shake as he stroked it again while the palm of his hand pressed against her clit, her wetness coating him. When she threw her head back, Alistair lifted his own to watch her. She could feel him hard against her thigh and she wanted to tell him that she was ready, or even just to touch him to bring him some pleasure, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even keep her eyes open. All she could do was hold onto him, riding the waves of pleasure as they got higher and higher until she came with a cry that he muffled by kissing her fiercely, his fingers still stroking her through her orgasm. 

Finally she opened her eyes to find his own warm ones on her. His hair had fallen into his face and she reached up to brush it aside, letting her hand travel to the rough scruff on his face. Alistair leaned into her, eyes drifting closed until she brought her other hand down to stroke his hardness, making him groan, the sound going straight to her core. She shifted her legs, which still felt like jelly, encouraging him to better settle between them.

“Alistair,” she moaned, sounding pathetically needy to her own ears, “I need you.”

He kissed her again. “You have me.” His voice was just as strained.

When he entered her, she gasped at how good it felt, wondering how she had survived so long apart from him. Alistair let out a shuddering breath, squeezing his eyes shut and keeping himself still as he got himself under control.

When he began to move, Maeryn forced herself to keep her eyes open, watching every beautiful line of him as he found his rhythm above her. She met each of his thrusts, gripping hard onto his shoulders as he filled her deliciously over and over again. Alistair’s eyes opened once more and she whimpered at the look in his eyes, that fierce love and devotion, unchanged by their time apart.

Maker, she had missed him so much.

Maeryn was so wound up, she knew was going to come again, and she anchored one hand into Alistair’s hair. He did the same, bringing his face closer to hers, while he hiked one of her legs higher up his body, his hand gripping her tight. He kissed her when she moaned his name, and the kisses soon became messy as their breathing became harsher. She could tell he was close, the tension building in his whole body.

“I love you,” she gasped, and then she was chanting it over and over, hardly even realising what she was saying, and Alistair made a noise that sounded almost like a sob.

When she came, it was with a wild cry of her own, and Alistair soon followed, moaning his pleasure into her ear, pressing his face into her neck. They both lay silent for a time afterwards as they caught their breath, Alistair softening inside her,both of them still trembling slightly. His weight on top of her was something she hadn’t even known she’d missed –like always, he was careful never to crush her, with some of his weight resting on an arm braced by her head. As their breathing slowed, Maeryn ran a hand up and down the warn skin of his back, and Alistair sighed against her.

Raising his head, he said with a mischievous smile that made her heart swell, “So. I hear you love me then?”

She laughed, feeling lighter than she had in a long time, and drew him in for a leisurely kiss. When they parted, Alistair flipped them so that he could lie properly on the tiny bed, and Maeryn could rest on top of him. She drew herself up on an elbow to regard the room, which was growing cold. Night had properly fallen now, and the storm outside was in full swing. She frowned at the fire, which had grown low, before flicking a hand at it, causing it to splutter once more into healthy flames.

“Of all the taverns in all the world,” murmured Alistair, watching her with wonder. “What made you come back?”

She blinked. “ _You_ , of course.”

Alistair frowned. “That hardly stopped you from leaving.”

“I know,” she replied softly. “But when I got your letter, I got scared.” His frown deepened. “I was afraid I’d lose you if I didn’t come back. I can keep searching for the Cure here. Or anywhere. So long as I’m with you.”

“You’re not leaving again?” He whispered it with such hope, it almost broke her heart.

“No, I’m never leaving you again.” She was emphatic, hoping he would believe her.

His hands tangled in her hair, drawing her back down to him.

She sealed her words with a kiss.

-

They stayed together, like she promised, traveling south and then east through Orlais. The First Warden had ordered Alistair back to Ferelden, which suited him just fine. There was something strange going on at Weisshaupt, Alistair told Maeryn, but he didn’t want to get involved, especially not now that she was back and they could go home.

She agreed.

Back at Vigil’s Keep, she called back what Wardens she could. They maintained the peace in the Arling, helping where they could, occasionally assisting the Ferelden crown on larger matters. However the Wardens were seen in Orlais and elsewhere, here in Ferelden, they came to be held in high regard.

Maeryn stopped administering the Joining to new recruits. There was no Blight to threaten them, and it seemed unfair to force it on another person. Instead, after her recruits had been in her service for six months, she told them about it, and gave them all the facts needed to make a decision for themselves. There were so few darkspawn sightings now that they had more than enough still tainted Wardens to dispatch them.

A surprising number did still choose to undergo the Joining, for reasons Maeryn couldn't always understand. She wondered how many of them would come to regret it.

They mourned those who did not survive the ritual, celebrated their lives, and remembered their names.

All news from Weisshaupt ceased. Messangers to the fortress did not return.

Maeryn did not get the Ferelden Wardens involved. 

-

She still searched for a Cure, but as time marched on and her duties took priority, it became clear that she was at a dead end, and had to admit defeat.

Maeryn grieved for the family she would never have – a silly thing, she told herself, to grieve for. She had grown up in a Circle: she’d never had a chance of having any kind of family there. Any child would be taken away, and lovers were often separated.

She had only been out of the Circle mere weeks when Alistair had told her just what the Joining did to a Warden – made them better able to fight darkspawn and allowed them to kill an archdemon, yes. But it also dramatically shortened their lives and likely rendered them infertile.

When she was nineteen the idea of even being thirty seemed ancient. The thought of having children was terrifying.

But now she was nearing forty and the reality of the experiences denied to her clawed at her insides.

So she grieved. And Alistair held her while she or both of them cried, assuring her it wasn’t silly for her to feel this way, that he did too, and that he wished that they could have more.

Despite the fact that they were everything to each other, and she would never have chosen anyone over him, they both mourned for what they could never have: children and the chance to give those children the happy family life they had both been denied, a future free from fighting and death, a chance to die of old age in their own bed.

A future at all.

But they still tried to live as though there wasn’t a death sentence over them.

They mostly succeeded. 

-

They succeeded because they were happy together – Maeryn knew that, regardless of the hardships of her life, she’d been lucky to find Alistair and carve out a slice of contentment in a world like this. It was impossible to not be happy with him, and despite how long they’d been together, her heart still raced when he smiled at her, and she could still never get enough of him. He made her laugh every day and understood her in a way she'd never thought anyone could. He was everything to her. 

She loved him with every fibre of her being, knowing she was a fortunate woman because he felt the same way about her. And she never took that for granted – she never took _him_ for granted. Maeryn would never forget that icy fear she’d felt, out in that jungle, when she thought she might have lost him. 

-

It was a cold night when she realised she was hearing her Calling. She slipped out of bed silently, pulling a heavy cloak around her to ward off the chill. She checked on Alistair before she left the room, but he was sleeping soundly, and she hoped he would remain that way until she returned.

Everyone was sleeping bar the guards that were patrolling the battlements outside. She walked through the silent Keep that was shrouded in darkness. By now, she knew the place well enough to get by with little to no light, making her way to her destination in silence. It was the darkest of nights, with heavy cloud meaning there wasn’t even any moonlight to shine through the windows. It seemed appropriate to her.

Maeryn’s destination was a tower used for storage, far away from any of the living quarters. Once there, she sat on a large crate, burying her head in her hands, finally letting the despair overwhelm her. She started to sob, pressing her fists into her mouth because she was afraid she’d scream; that she’d just start screaming like a child throwing a tantrum at how unfair all this was. She had never agreed to this, and she didn’t want to march off into the Deep Roads to kill darkspawn before she died, like a good, brave Warden should do, with their head held high.

In war she had been victorious, in peace she had been vigilant. But she couldn't accept the last part of the Grey Warden motto.

_In Death, Sacrifice_

Perhaps it made her a coward, but Maeryn didn’t want to die.

-

She also didn’t want to tell anybody, especially not Alistair.

Speaking it made it real – more real than the song that was growing louder and louder with each passing day. For a short period, she got away with keeping her secret, but she knew she was on borrowed time. Alistair had picked up on her lowered mood, but he didn’t push her. He just did everything to make her smile, and he kissed her with such ferocious passion that she thought he must at least suspect what was going on.

But one morning, when she looked in the mirror and saw the greying and sickly tint of her skin, it was clear time had run out. They had to prepare. It wasn’t going to be long before it was obvious to everyone that her end was near.

Maeryn wondered if the Calling always progressed this fast, or if her slaying of the Archdemon meant her symptoms were accelerated. Was that just one more thing stealing what little time she had left?

When she told Alistair, the devastating look of grief that shadowed his face destroyed her, making their warm and familiar room suddenly a place forever tainted, just like her.

It made her rage at the unfairness of it all. Childishly, she picked up a ceramic cup filled with water and slammed it at the wall, watching it smash into pieces with satisfaction.

A wild, irrational part of her wanted to smash this whole Keep and burn everything.

Was it the taint making her want to do that, coursing through her body, turning her into a monster? Or was it just the way grief twisted a person?

Alistair didn’t even look surprised by her uncharacteristic display. He’d just kept looking at her with that wrecked expression and she couldn’t take it – she couldn’t take the fact that she had to break his heart like this and there was nothing she could do to fix it.

Maeryn realised she was shaking, and for the first time since her magic had presented itself when she was a child, she felt like she was going to lose control of it. She _had_ the ability to burn this Keep down if she wanted.

And she wanted.

So she fisted her hands under her arms, pressing them against herself, trembling in the soft morning light, hating that for all she’d accomplished, this was how she would end. A shivering wreck in her own Keep, halfway to a ghoul already, only good for the Deep Roads.

Alistair stood, and he strode over to her, steady as ever despite his pain.

He held her tight – perhaps, for once, too tight – but she didn’t complain. She was too aware that their embraces were numbered. No doubt he was, too.

Then he said, “I’m going with you.”

Maeryn understood immediately what he meant, and she pulled back out of his arms, the fear of Alistair's death edging out her anger. “No–”

He followed her, and she let him draw her in again, needing the comfort of his touch. “I’m not staying here without you, Mae.” His voice trembled. “You said you wouldn’t leave me again.”

“I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to die.” She could hardly get the words out, partially because she was ashamed at how pathetic she sounded, and partially because she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She clutched Alistair tightly, her fingers digging into his shirt, pressing her face into his chest.

She felt like the child she had been when the templars had drained her mana her for the first time, something they did over and over again as they transported her to the Circle, ensuring she wouldn’t cause them any trouble. The fear of the unknown had crippled her then too, but she’d been eight years old, not a battle hardened woman of almost forty.

“I know I’m supposed to walk towards this bravely, but Alistair–” She couldn’t say anymore, and she felt him take a shuddering breath.

“I’m going with you. You aren’t going alone.” Alistair’s voice still trembled, but there was steel underneath. He was determined.

She shook her head against him, despite knowing she wouldn’t change his mind. “I can’t bear the thought of you–”

He interrupted her. “I can’t bear the thought of going into the Deep Roads alone, and me living on here without you.” He paused. “If it were me, Mae, what would you do?”

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. She understood. “I’d go with you. I’d be with you at the end.”

“So, you see, you aren’t getting rid of me now.” He reached down to kiss her forehead, brushing away her overspilling tears with gentle hands. “And…” He continued on quietly. “I probably don’t have much time left, either.”

That thought had occurred to Maeryn, as Alistair had undertaken his Joining six months before her. But he still looked as hale and hearty as ever. He looked like he could live another fifty years. She wanted to think he would.

She swallowed down a sob. “Are you sure, Alistair? You might have longer than you think.”

He shook his head. “Even if I did, it would mean nothing without you. We… we always knew this was how it was going to end.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “If I had found the Cure–”

“ _If_ there was a Cure,” he interrupted her softly, tilting her face up to his as she opened her eyes again, “you would have found it.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. Maeryn realised he’d accepted this a long time ago. She was the one who had kept searching for a Cure that probably didn’t exist.

“I just wish,” she said with sadness, “that we had more time.”

“As do I.” He looked at her gravely but with that charming sincerity that she loved. “Ten lifetimes with you wouldn’t be enough.”

She stretched up to kiss him, a soft sigh of a kiss.

When they broke apart, she was looking up at him with that determination he’d always admired. “So. Together.”

He nodded. “Until the end.” 

-

Their remaining time at Vigil’s Keep was busy. There was the transfer of power to one of her most trusted senior Wardens. They wrote again to Weisshaupt hoping they would approve the appointment, but even if a reply was likely, it wouldn’t arrive before they left. 

There were endless letters to write. She thought of her friends, many of whom she hadn’t seen in so long. She longed to see them one more time but the rapid progression of her Calling made it impossible.

She stared for a long time at her sealed letter to Leliana. By the time it reached her, Maeryn and Alistair would already be dead.

She swallowed down the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her – the last thing she wanted was to spend the last of her days weeping like a damsel – and placed the letter on top of the stack, ready to be sent out the next day. She was lucky to have so many friends, and it pained her that this news would grieve them.

Alistair’s arms wrapped around her, a silent comfort. He drew her to their bed, where he loved her.

They also made the most of the last time they’d be able to enjoy well cooked meals and a large, comfortable bed.

Their Wardens celebrated their lives, but a sharp mournful edge licked across everything. They considered their future without their esteemed leaders, these Heroes of the Fifth Blight, who would be remembered for their goodness and brave deeds, as well as for their legendary romance. 

-

An honour guard of Wardens accompanied them to the entrance of Kal'Hirol. They solemnly saw off their Commander and her Constable, tampering down their own grief. Most of them knew this journey was in their own future.

They would tell of Maeryn and Alistair both going bravely towards the end, an inspiration to them all.

-

Now alone, Maeryn and Alistair spent a final night together under the stars. Their touches and kisses explored and traced every patch of skin, almost like they were teenagers again. Except now, instead of learning each others bodies, they were saying goodbye.

 And then the next morning they went underground to begin their last journey.

-

The dwarves attempts over the years to retake Kal’Hirol meant that there was little to no darkspawn near the entrance. In fact, Maeryn and Alistair travelled deeper than they expected before they began to encounter substantial groups of darkspawn. Despite Maeryn’s now obvious condition and quickly deteriorating state, she and Alistair had fought so long together that they still made a dangerous duo, and they cut through numerous darkspawn with ease. 

They crossed paths with a group of Legion of the Dead dwarves, and travelled with them for a few days, enjoying the company, continuing to cut down the never ending darkspawn.

When they parted ways, the dwarves said they would remember these two Wardens, and tell stories of their bravery, camaraderie and skill in battle.

-

A detailed telling of the Wardens time with the Legion would later reach the king of Orzammar, and he remembered the woman who put him on the throne, so long ago now.

He ensured the message was passed above ground, reaching those who also remembered the Wardens and mourned them, hoping it would bring them some peace to hear this final news of their friends.

-

After they left the dwarves to go their separate ways, both Maeryn and Alistair knew the time was getting near.

It would not be much longer. 

-

They were resting after taking out a particularly nasty darkspawn nest that had included a broodmother.

They were both dwelling on it.

Alistair lay on their bedroll, Maeryn curled up beside him, her head resting on his chest. They were not as alert as they should be – they both knew that. But as each hour passed, they both grew more weary, their potions long gone and Maeryn’s healing magic only going so far. Their rations were also running low, but Maeryn had no appetite anymore.

“I don’t want to end up a broodmother,” she said softly into the silence.

Alistair tightened his grip on her. “I will _never_ let that happen.” He wouldn’t, no matter what it would cost him to have to deal with that, he’d never let them take her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He wanted to say more. He wanted to say that he wished it hadn’t come to this. The anger that Maeryn had let out in Vigil’s Keep was now flaring up in him, and he really wanted to be able to shout or scream without it bringing a swarm of darkspawn down upon them.

Alistair wanted to take her away from here, back out into the sunlight, to see the sky, to find a Cure at the last minute and save them both.

He wanted them to live happily ever after.

But now, as he watched her in the dim light, he knew even if he did that: brought her back outside, found a miracle Cure – she was still too far gone to be saved. Very soon she'd no longer be able to fight. His own Calling had also begun its song. He wasn’t sure whether that was because it was just his time or because they’d gone so far into the Deep Roads and closer to the Old Gods that called those with the Taint within them. It didn’t matter either way.

They were both too far gone to be saved. And it was killing him to see her like this, fading away before his eyes.

This was not the way it should be.

Alistair squeezed his eyes shut, tamping down on his anger and grief.

He’d be strong for her, now, at the end, when she needed him the most, because he knew she was faltering. His powerful, determined, beautiful wife was dying, and she was scared. And they were stuck in the labryinth of the Deep Roads, knowing this place was to be their grave.

Alistair was also scared. And he felt so helpless. But Mae had been strong for him so many times. She’d loved him with everything she had and they’d had twenty years together. They had been happy. He told himself it was more than many got.

Silently, he sent up a prayer to a Maker he wasn’t even sure he still believed in that when the time came, it would be quick, and that they would be together again, renewed, at the Maker’s side. 

-

They made a plan, discussing the particulars, and easily finding the perfect spot to carry it out.

Much of the Deep Roads, especially so far in, was unstable. The dwarves might like to think their structures withstood the tests of time, but nothing lasted forever.

The cave they chose was spacious, with plenty of room and tunnels leading to it for darkspawn to gather. The structure of it already seemed precarious, and Maeryn was convinced she’d be able to bring the whole thing down easily.

They stood in the centre, facing each other.

“This is it,” she murmured.

Alistair nodded. Gently, he cradled her face, kissing her. “I love you,” he whispered against her lips.

“I love you so much. I wish we had more time,” Maeryn said tenderly, “but I’m glad if this is all I have, that I got to have it with you.”

They both knew what came next, that they had to do this, but they both simply stood holding onto each other for the last time.

Alistair took a shuddering breath. “It’s time, my love.”

She closed her eyes, and her lip trembled before she took a deep breath, getting herself under control. When she opened her eyes, he could see tears pooling in them.

"Thank you, for being with me.”

He brought her free hand to his lips, a final kiss. “Thank you, for everything.”

Some of the tears spilled over, and Alistair blinked away a few of his own, knowing they needed to keep their composure for a little longer.

Maeryn brought her fingers to her lips, letting out a loud, shrill whistle that echoed throughout the cavern.

There was a moment of silence, but soon they heard them approach. Even just the footsteps of the oncoming darkspawn were enough to cause pats of the cavern roof and walls to crumble, with dust and rocks cascading down. 

They separated slightly, just as much as they needed. Maeryn steadied her staff, while Alistair readied his sword and shield.

A moment later, the first of the darkspawn appeared, letting out a bellow of triumph at finding prey. They knew there would be countless more following it.

An arrow sailed through the air at them, but Maeryn had already thrown up a barrier, putting as much power into it as she could, and it, and the others that followed bounced harmlessly away.

With a roar that seemed to suck all the air out of the cave, the group of darkspawn began to descend on them. Alistair quickly dispatched two that got close and turned to Maeryn, casting his eye around the cavern that was now filled with the creatures.

“Now!” he cried, and she nodded.

Holding the barrier around her and Alistair, she cast a powerful earthquake spell. It threw the darkspawn near them to the ground, shaking and cracking underneath them, and the magic rippled through the cavern, immediately destabilising it.

More darkspawn approached, climbing over those who had fallen. Alistair made short work of anything that got within range, but he knew they would soon be overwhelmed. More arrows whizzed at them, but Maeryn held the barrier.

They were surrounded.

Above them, there was a sickeningly loud crack as the structure of the cavern disintegrated.

Maeryn watched it all carefully, knowing Alistair was keeping an eye on the darkspawn, ready to cast again if needed.

But she didn’t need to, because the cavern began to fall on them as the ceiling caved in, slow at first and then all at once, as the weight of the earth above finished the job started by her earthquake.

The darkspawn were quickly thrown into disarray, distracted from their prey as large chunks of rocks fell, crushing or trapping them them. Those who tried to run found most of the entrances to the cavern also collapsing. 

Everything was coming down around their ears, and the sound of it was deafening. This place would soon bury them all.

Alistair dropped his sword and shield as she let go of her staff, letting them fall to the ground, never to be needed again. Their fight was done.

He embraced her. “I don’t regret anything,” he whispered fiercely to her. 

“Neither do I.” Maeryn smiled, tracing his face with her hand one last time, almost like she had all the time in the world. He grinned back at her. In that second they were both transported back twenty years, when both of them were freshly in love, healthy and young, with their whole lives ahead of them. As they had been at the start.

She was no longer afraid. He was with her.

Maeryn let the barrier drop.

The last thing they saw, here at the end, was each other.

- 

 

_The end has come and I am not afraid_

_We slip away and we are not afraid_

**Author's Note:**

> Life has been hard and I'm feeling sad so I wrote a sad thing and made myself sadder. Well done, self.
> 
> Maeryn is my canon Warden and I absolutely consider this fic an AU for her and Alistair because you know she gets that Cure. (I'm not saying I have a ridiculous amount of unpublished fic written for these two... oh wait I am)
> 
> I listened a lot to the OST for Everybody's Gone to the Rapture while writing this, especially 'The Light We Cast', which is where the two lines at the very end come from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_vT4cxX9RE
> 
> Fic title is indeed a Rihanna song.
> 
> (If you are a person reading my other fic, I have not forgotten about it, I am just very stuck, easily distracted and also sad. But I do intend to finish.)


End file.
